Empty and Frantic

..like a cat tied to a stick

that's driven into frozen winter shit

calm, fitter, healthier and more productive

a pig in a cage on antibiotics.

- Radiohead

I'm just feeling... numb. Just when I had set my mind to sit down and really work on my articles, I got a bomb of an email from Ed, one that left me feeling completely crushed and wanting to leave that hellhole of a place, instantly. The email was CCed to two other people. The feeling I had was akin to a kick in the stomach. I was veering between hysterical tears of humiliation and numbness. Chose the latter because weeping might've made me feel worse. Maybe I deserve it, and maybe I should see it as a challenge to improve myself and mend our relations, but I'm just too tired and demotivated. Sometimes I wish I could just quit this fucking place and start over again far away, in a place where no one knows me, where I have the task of learning new things to keep me occupied.

I was feeling so shitty when leaving the hellhole that I just couldn't summon the strength to go for class. Also feeling under the weather, so I doubt it would've done me any good to exert myself.

When I came home I threw my energy into setting up the radio blog you can now see on the right sidebar of this page. It took quite some time to get it looking like it does now, plus the conversion of file formats and uploading, but it was worth it. Love the way it looks and am happy with the sound quality; plus, it kept me occupied, at least for a while.